Sunday, December 13, 2015

Missing them at Christmas.

I'm just sitting here tonight thinking of all the loved-ones that I miss so much at Christmas. My grandmother, Mary, my parents, my in-laws, my dear friend, Chris, my beloved cats. Now I have Kane to add to that list of souls that made my life so wonderful, so full of love. I miss my dog so much it hurts. A real pain I feel in my chest; a tightness that just won't leave. I wonder "are you okay, Kane? Do you need me, bud?"
I know it will lessen with time but I long right now to look into those soulful eyes and feel the softness of his coat as I pat his back. He loved that. He loved a kiss on the nose, too. I don't ever want to forget the feel of his nudge on my knee as he impatiently waited for his dinner or anticipated another throw of his ball.
It's so hard to know he's gone in the flesh; only now with me in spirit. But, he lived his life; a full life, and for that I am thankful.

 "Mommy loves you and misses you, Kanie."

We just carry on, don't we?

I hope your days are merry and bright as you make your plans, bake your cookies and trim your tree for Christmas.
I'm looking forward to lunches and coffee dates with friends that I don't see near enough.

hugs, Deb


  1. The holidays are a time that we often remember our family and friends who have gone before us. We know that your heart is still broken over your lovely boy Kane, what a special dog he was.

    Julie and poppy Q

  2. It is so very difficult when we lose our beloved pets Deb. You will feel his loss for a long time to come as he was such a huge part of your life. I must confess I miss some of my pets that have passed over, much more than some humans I know. Have you read the little verse The Rainbow Bridge? Google it if not is just beautiful but I warn you, you will need your tissues handy. x x x

  3. I still get choked up over your Ed and the love he shared with Lily.

  4. Dear Deb, Many tears here again as I read this post. I can truly say "I know how you feel". Been there. And, yes, it does get better but damn that pain of loss hurts. No "baggage" with pets--just memories of their sweetness. God be with and bless you with a good and happy Christmas! A friend in Nebraska ><>

  5. It's true. Christmas brings forth a host of emotions.
    Some happy some sad.I have lost pets just before and after Christmas.
    Th older I get, the more I find it a time of reflection and memory,
    more so than New Years.
    Hugs as you remember your sweet Kane. Remember to treat yourself gently this season.
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    Treasure and JJ

  6. Oh Deb, I hurt for you. Kane was so beautiful and you two were so close, it was easy to see that. I too can say I know how you hurt. We have been through this before. I look at Eli now and think, what would I do if something happened to him. Take care.

  7. I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful dog. You can see how happy Kane was, he looks likes he is smiling in every single photo. I had a dog that smiled too. I miss him terribly, still. Just know that you gave him a wonderful life and made him happy. What more could an animal want?

    Cindy Bee

  8. I agree with the comment from Nebraska. I,too am crying reading this post. Lost a few dogs thru out my years & its so very hard. Kane was so handsome & such a good companion. It's really like losing your best friend. You are in my thoughts and hope time heals your grieving heart. Take care from Illinois.

  9. You're right -- we do carry on. But we carry on with a bit of an ache that wasn't there before. Sometimes even more than an ache. Fourteen years is a long time to have a best friend who loves you so unconditionally. A loss like that is simply huge. And yes, you know it will ease -- but it will take time to fall into that world where the memory is sweet and not quite so tinged with the immediate loss. I so feel for you -- hard enough at any time; perhaps harder still at a time with so many celebrations and connections.
    I send hugs from Michigan and from Ms. Lizzie, too, who would do her best to comfort you with her purr as I know your tribe is doing.

  10. Oh, I feel your pain. So much loss. This will be my first Christmas without my mother. But I must rejoice in my first new grandbaby! And so many furbabies lost too. I gather the remaining ones close and move towards a new year...Hugs to you, Deb

  11. As I have grown older I find that Christmas is a time of nostalgia; truly the memories of family, friends--and pets--no longer with us create a kaleidoscope of scenes that seem like 'only yesterday.' The passing years bring us new friends, new pets, grandchildren--reasons to go on keeping Christmas.
    No easy way through sadness--we plod along, counting the small joys of each day.

  12. "You have to let things go....
    Every thing that's in your your life is
    meant to be in your journey, but not
    all of them are meant to stay till the end".

    "Sometimes you will never know the value of
    a moment, until it becomes a memory".
    (Dr Seuss).

    "Live simply, love generously, care deeply,
    speak kindly".

    Lovely post...Not only from the heart but
    from the soul...Here's to the BIG fella....
    Bless him!x

  13. The missing hurts so much sometimes.

  14. Yes. We just carry on.........

  15. Aw,....I'm so sorry... What a gorgeous photo of him here! I just love it! Yes, we carry on and hold our memories close! Hugs...

  16. Hi Deb....
    I do know how you are feeling...
    Not very pretty while going thru it...
    There will be brighter days...
    Enjoy those wee grandittles...they can warm any soul....indeed♥️
    Linda :o)

  17. This is the time of year when we really do miss those who were in our lives. Sending warm hugs your way.


  18. Thus time of year is the hardest I find when it comes to missing the loss of loved ones . I cant imagine what our life would be with out our Miggs oh I dont want to think of it it really chokes me up in side ! I do hope you find peace soon with the loss just remember they may be gone but never forgotten and will always be in your heart and memories ! xxoo

  19. So many friends and family gone. If we are lucky, there are still some to love us.

  20. This time of year is always tough when you've had losses in life... I find myself thinking of my mother these days.

  21. Oh Deb, another post about dear Kane which brings a lump to my throat. Big hugs from faraway South Africa. Jo

  22. Can you volunteer working with dogs at a local shelter, or would that be too painful? Everybody's different, but sometimes getting involved in work can help deal with grief. There's poem called A Dog's Last Will & Testament, which is about adopting but would apply to volunteer work as well--the dog wills "the love I left behind" to another needy dog.

  23. It might strike some as simplistic, but I just say "Keep on keepin' on" to myself many times each day. It keeps me on my feet. I wish you a peaceful feeling in your heart about Kane.

  24. Its hard....its just so darn hard!! Just remember he and the other beautiful and loyal furry family members are waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge. Mine are waiting too. What a joyful reunion we will have!!!

  25. Yes, dear one, we carry on. We gave all we had to them while they were here and they gave all of their hearts back to us. That does not feel like enough to hold close to our hearts to help the pain ease... but it is what we have and we do have all those left around us to continue to love... We will keep loving them all...

    Loving you, too,

  26. It's the tiny pieces of our hearts and our history, it hurts so much to lose. Those we share our memories with who leave us take those memories of history with them, and then you wonder if any one else remembers. I echo your feelings, too many losses this year that mount. I know we must go on and we do but it tugs at our soul.

  27. Kane was such a beautiful boy and I can understand how your heart still aches and you worry about him. I still miss my Ms. Tiny cat although many, many Christmas have now gone by without her curled up by the hearth. I guess it just reminds us of how much we gave and shared of ourselves to make sure they were safe, healthy and happy for the rather short time we were permitted to have they as our dear companions. And what wonderful feelings they were for us. . . . . . . and I'm sure for them.

    Hang in there dear Deb - we all know how it is.
    Hugs - Mary

  28. There is no shame in missing the loved ones we've lost. We can't help but notice their absence, especially this time of year. But, as you already know, Kane and all of your loved ones are still with you every day. You'll always have your memories of them, and they'll always be watching over you.

    Back in May, I lost Rosie, my kitty of 21 years - I grew up with her, having had her since I was just 4 years old, and I have hardly any childhood memories from before her time. Even over half a year after her passing, I still think about and talk to her each and every day. This will be my first Christmas without her since I was 4 years old. I still wish to include her in my Christmas festivities (and I always will), so I've created various Christmas ornaments and art pieces just for her and have placed them around the house, so that even in that small way she is taking part in Christmas with me.

    We all cope in our way, so please feel no shame in the progress you've made since the loss of your beloved Kane. You gave him a life full of love. He knew that, and he still does.

    Prayers and hugs to you.

  29. It's just the worst feeling. Sending you a big hug, Deb. I miss my Bernie still and sometimes I think I hear her, back in her little "den", where she felt so safe and secure. It's so heartbreaking to lose them, but so wonderful to have had them in our lives.

  30. What a gorgeous photo of your sweet Kane - that would be a lovely one to print and frame. He will always be in your heart - it's so sad that our dear furry friends are with us such a short while in the grand scheme of things. xo

  31. I'm sorry you're hurting Deb. I feel the pain now, as well. My dog, Samson, passed at 12 years old on 5 November. I still cry. He's the only dog I've had as an adult and he was with me practically 24/7. I've realized that my dog held a place in my heart that people have not. I questioned the statement Robin Roberts (Good Morning America host) made when she said the loss of her dog was more difficult to deal with than the loss of any family member. I now understand what she meant. I am truly sorry for your pain and loss. What a lovely photo of Kane.

  32. It is so hard losing pets. I picked up Julius' ashes this week and it was hard. I still can't believe he's gone. They become such fixtures in our lives. Hugs, Deb.